The Darkness Proves the Light
by urtwilightbuddy11
Summary: Edward visits Ella, a girl he has visited and lived with before he met Bella. He goes to her in need of comfort after leaving Bella Swan, and hopes to find consultation in the experience they both share: How much it hurts to leave the one you love.
1. New Home

I was looking out the rain streaked window onto the parking lot full of people as I finally realized what was happening. I couldn't believe I was letting my 16 year old, torn and shattered life go on like this. I was going to live with my mom in New York, New York, since my dad remarried to this woman who could practically be my older sister. The young woman's name was Tamara, and she just started off on her modeling career. It wasn't like she was around a lot- except between the periods when she was waiting for another scout to see her and add her into another fashion show. She had straw-berry blond hair, a face that was inhumanly thin, and cheek bones that curved in at the sides of her white, just too perfect face. She had long, "sexy legs," ( I shuddered when I heard my dad say that for the first time) and I had no trouble wondering why my 48 year-old father fell in love with her. He would always say I was his little princess, and I would smile his most favorite smile in the whole world as my eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky. Until now.

Tamara was my father's whole life, may I now say David's whole life. I would come home every night from school, and I would make him and his "sexy" wife dinner, and then lag up the stairs leading to my "dungeon" to do my homework. I would often fall asleep to the beating of my heart, and the wetness of tears on my face. The only way to get out of this deep, black hole was to move away from David and in with my mom, Lisa, who had divorced my dad when I was two. She got sick of his laziness and how he treated her when she was pregnant with me. So, every summer for one month I would spend my undivided time with Lisa, who hardly knew what grade I was in. And this was my life now. Running away from the person I loved most, just to find a mother who didn't remember on what day I was born.

I flashed out of this, and then paid attention to the road in front of me full of cars and pedestrians.

"I hate New York International Airport!" I murmured to myself. _Don't land at this airport again. _I decided to get a map of New York out of the glove department to see where I would be staying for basically the rest of my childhood years. I shuddered as a cool wind blew inside my window and past my face. In response I pulled the window up and zipped the grey pocket sweater I was wearing, and continued to look at the map, and then the directions Lisa gave me so I could find her house.

Lisa was working as a stock trader in the North Tower of the Twin Towers. She would sometimes email me and tell me of how tall and beautiful they were, and sometimes how they got struck with lighting. _On, yah. _I reminded myself. She also told me she was dating this dimp who was a professor at one of the universities near where she lived. _Great, _I thought to myself in a harsh manner. The fact that both of my parents are basically married, and have moved on with life, while I was still grasping onto the times when I still thought I had one, didn't bother me at all. Life was cruel. Harsh. When you thought it couldn't throw anything more at you, it throws you a curve ball.

Suddenly, I heard a loud, high pitched honk from the car behind me, a Porsche, and saw a trashy blond girl in the car yell at me. At that moment I wanted to honk right back and finger her, but I figured girls like her weren't worth it. Most blonds were what their stereotypes were like.

I quickly realized I was daydreaming, and there were no cars in head of me anymore. I quickly sped up, and was then on one busy street outside the airport. I checked the directions my mom gave me again, and discovered Lisa lived in the more forestry part of New York, New York. _Well_, I thought to myself, _that'll be nice living in the woods_. I got onto the 101-60, and sped up my car as fast as it could go. 45 miles pr hour. If my estimating was correct, it would take me about two hours and thirty minutes to get to Lisa's. That was a lot of time to look over my life and think of what the hell went wrong. When I was 2, my mom left me and my father alone. She had promised me she should contact me every day and sometimes visit. She did neither. So, I quickly forgot about my mom, and all the pain she was going to cause me when I was older, and focused on David. David and I became best friends, and he was the perfect dad every daughter deserves to have. Until two years ago, when I was fourteen, my dad decided to start dating again because he thought I needed a mother. I was happy about that thought, until I saw what he brought home. This blond 20 year-old woman walked into the door of our house, and my eyes popped open. Why the hell was she interested in a man like my father? This woman was half the age of the man standing at my side. Anyways, I plastered a smile on my face so I wouldn't make my dad unhappy, and I regretted it a year later when my dad tied the knot. And so, I couldn't live with Tamara or stand living in the house with of all of her chores and requests, so I decided to tell David I was going to live with my mom. And like I thought, David approved, and here I was, in the middle of a freeway, pretending my life was actually going to get better. I liked leaving Canada for New York, but what I missed most was my friends at Birmingham High. Or at least acquaintances. I never had any friends at Birmingham High, because I was the ordinary girl with the pale skin, and well body, which every boy looks at when I pass them at their lockers. Actually, I admit, I hated Birmingham High, I hated every school I went to ever since Middle School, since the only reason people hung out with me was for my body, and the money I had. They thought of me as an asset. Pretty to look at, valuable, but definitely disposable.

Suddenly, I heard a big whoosh, and then a shrieking noise in back of me. There, I saw a black Chevy turning in circles, as it came raging towards me. I realized it probably was going too fast by the way its wheels were positioned on the frozen ice. Two years of AP Physics really pays off. I closed my eyes as it spiraled across the frozen road. I didn't know what to do. I looked towards the car just 10 yards in back of me, and then time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, I saw this beautiful, young man step in the back of my car, and stop the car as it came raging towards me in circles. He put his hand on the other car, and one on mine, and I then saw in disbelief the dent the beautiful man had made. He then gave me a glance and quickly disappeared, and just left me there with my jaw dropped open. I saw him gracefully disappear into the forest. Every one seemed to get of their car to see if I was alright, and to examine the damage the two cars had not made.

I then spoke to a person in a plaid shirt and a pair of black jeans, "Diddd.. You see the teenager right behind my car who stopped the Chevy from plowing into me?"

"No, he replied in a confused voice. "There was nobody who stopped it. The car just stopped in its tracks, and then we came out to help you." _Oh my God_, I thought. I wanted to disappear for pretending to see things, but the best thing right now was to open my closed mouth and say a thank you.

"Well, thank you, but I swore I saw someone who stopped it."

"Well, are you sure you're okay? It seemed like you hit your head pretty hard on the steering wheel, when "that guy as you say" stopped the Chevy."

"I'm fine", I reassured the person. Either way, I ended up in the hospital, and Lisa found me there and looked like she had much more important things to do than to be pretending to appease her shocked daughter. They checked my head, and there were no concussions of any sort, but I cut my head pretty badly and it required stitches.

"I'm sorry Lisa, I wasn't hoping this would be how we meet." She didn't say anything, but stared at me with confusing eyes before she said,

"Wow, Ella, you look better than I imagined you would have looked." I didn't know how to answer to that. I figured most mothers would have left out "the better than I imagined you would have looked" part.

"Umm…thanks," I replied, sheepishly. "You look pretty good too." Those were the last words we said at the hospital, and then Lisa drove us home. _Wow_, I thought as I stared at he car.

"What is this, a Lamborghini?"

"Yah, um… Richard, works with the airplanes for the government, and he bought me this for my birthday last year." Didn't know Richard was that loaded.

"Wow," I said. He's really that rich?"

"Yep," she replied annoyingly. I flinched in response.

"What does he do?" I asked with a voice that pretended to be interested in her boyfriend.

"He works with hijackings and terrorist stuff. He said he used to be a pilot, and this person from Iraq hijacked the plane, and the co-pilot was killed. So, he wanted to work with something that could stop hijacking and honor the co-pilot who lost his life that day." I didn't reply for I was too captivated with the beautiful scenery as we were driving on a wet road through the forest. Tall, green trees, raging waterfalls, and purple mountains.

"Um, Lisa. How early do you get up in the morning to go to work?"

She looked confused for a second wondering why I had asked her such a question, and then answered.

"Oh, I get up at three every morning, and I then leave for work at 4:00 to make it to the towers at 7:00." I took a mental note of that, and we were quiet the rest of the beautiful drive there, until I asked, as I was playing with the leather seats of her Lamborghini,

"Where am I going to school?"

As Lisa was looking out the rain streaked window she then said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you that in one of my emails. You're going to NYH, or New York High. It has a little more than 2,000 kids." My jaw dropped open at the thought of how big that school had to be to hold that many kids. I was used to 300 kids at Birmingham High!

Lisa saw the expression on my face, and then told me, "Look on the bright side, Ella, more chances of making friends!"

"Yippee, friends!" I said in a melancholy- sarcastic voice. The rest of the ride was in silence, and as we pulled up to my new home, I saw first how modern it was. It had glass windows for walls which reflected the moon on the water in the lake by the house, and everything there was state of the art. The maple colored door opened as Lisa said these weird sequences of numbers, and I then looked with her with pity. How could a person be so lazy that they wouldn't want to waste the time opening a door the regular way. But that wasn't it. Once I walked into the warm house, I saw the thinnest plasma screen TV on one of four boulders in front of the doorway, and the stock channel was on. I couldn't get use to that. I then realized Lisa was in the kitchen opening her stainless steel refrigerator, and got out a new gallon of milk, and then got two crystal glasses out of the maple cupboard. She poured the milk into the glasses and offered me some. She looked like a first time parent, who didn't know what to do with their new born baby. I shook my hand in a _no_ fashioned manner, and sat down on one of the chairs by the bar and laid my purple purse on the grey granite countertop. I then looked around the kitchen, waiting for Lisa to speak, and finally gave up and I asked her a question I knew she thought was stupid but would answer in order to seem interested in me.

"Lisa." I said quickly as she turned around from the refrigerator where she was looking for some food to make for dinner, and replied, "Yes?" I then replied in a casual and tired voice,

" Where's my room?"

"Oh jeeze, sorry Ella, I forgot. Um, here. I'll show you." I got up and followed Lisa, and took a look at her body. From the few pictures and vague memories I had of her, I remembered a soft and naïve young woman. Now, she had maple brown hair that went down to the small of her back and highlighted curls that reached halfway down her waist. She had long graceful legs, and was wearing a pencil skirt with a purple frill top to extenuate them. As I was looking at her ears, she turned right towards a stair case with no railing. She then climbed the stairs with certainty that she wouldn't fall off of them, and saw me by the very edge of the staircase where the wall was. She chuckled, and threw a quick smile my way and continued up the stairs. She then came to a door that seemed to not have been touched for years, and opened it. There I saw a queen sized bed with a comforter folded on the edge of the bed. I then saw the big window and the balcony outside looking out into the lake, and gasped.

"This is beautiful, Lisa. I couldn't have asked for anything better." I was ecstatic of the thought of the reflection of the full moon on the lake.

"I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure what you liked. Since I thought you'd probably like something I did, I decided to give the room I would have given to you if you were living with me instead of with David." She then went on and on, but I didn't pay any attention as I explored the room and found it was twice the size of the small house I used to live in with my dad. Before I knew it, I flashed out of my daydreaming and fantasying, and discovered Lisa had left me. I was glad. It would be better to explore the room without her hovering over me. I then lugged my luggage out of Lisa's car, and decided to unpack it. I wasn't a neat freak, but I decided to put my clothes in the huge walk in closet that was bigger than my old room, and then put my black and white floral comforter on the bed, and sit down by the desk and touch the Apple Mac that was assigned to me. I then decided to email David, for I still needed to acknowledge he meant something to me, even though that wasn't true. I told him about how much I pretended to miss him and Tamara, and how I was going to NYH, a school with 2,000 kids. I then quickly clicked send, and shut the computer off. I then got up, and decided to go downstairs, and get something to eat, for my stomach was grumbling. I went down the stairs cautiously, that was going to get something to get used to! There at the kitchen, I didn't see Lisa, but instead a note on the refrigerator that stated in handwriting,

Ella, Sorry to leave you alone like this so suddenly, but Richard asked me to go to one of these dinners for his work, and I couldn't refuse. You understand, right? Well, there really isn't any food in the fridge, so I left you some cash on the counter for you to go out and buy some dinner. And, for a welcome home present, Richard and I bought you a Mercedes. I hope you enjoy it!

Love, Lisa.

I read this letter over again six times before I understood what it said. A… Mercedes? Jesus, how much money does this Richard guy have anyway? I put the cash into my front jean pocket and quickly ran out to the garage where I saw five cars lined in a row, with tool cases and storage around them. I looked at all the cars like I was studying for a test, and discovered all of them had to be at least 75,000 dollars each. The first one in front of me was Lisa's Lamborghini, shining under the light that was on the garage ceiling, the next was a black Hummer, the newest of the era, and the car next to it was a shiny red Porsche, and it still looked like they just bought it. After that, I didn't really pay attention to the next car, for the car I saw next to it was the most beautiful of them all. It was black, sleek, and the car that was most perfect to me. I then saw the red ribbon on top of the car, and knew it was mine. I opened the door excitedly, and found that this car had leather seats, a GPS, a state of the art radio and TV, and so many other features I didn't recognize until I Googled it on the internet. I quickly got the keys that were sitting on the dashboard of the car, and started the ignition. With a smooth vibration, the car started, and I opened the garage door with the little black sensor thing that was also on the dashboard. I then started out on the road. I looked at the map that was in the glove department, and there I found another note from Lisa, and it said,

Ella, here is a list of restaurants and grocery stores in the area where you would enjoy shopping and eating. In the cash I gave you is some spending money for you to shop for some new clothes, since you present closet is all rainy stuff. It get's hot in New York!

Love Lisa

I went over the directions and names of places she gave to me, and the most eye catching and interesting was _Newmen's Barbequen_. And next to that was a shopping plaza were I would probably find some clothes. So, I followed the directions my mom gave me, and then ended up at this gas station 30 min away from the restaurant I had my eyes on. I decided to go inside and ask for directions, and was back on the road again. This time, I used my GPS, and arrived there 15 minutes later. As I was driving, I went over the accident that happened just this morning. I realized I couldn't have been hallucinating, for the guy saw me too. Anyways, I stopped thinking about that because I knew I would give myself a strain, and I pulled into the shopping plaza, and found Newmen's Barbequen. I sighed when I saw the amount of cars in the restaurant's parking lot. My father would tell you any day that I was not one for patience, and seeing the amount of people waiting to enter the restaurant, I knew that today wasn't my day. Instead, I started the car and drove to the plaza. There I mostly window-shopped. I wasn't one for shopping either. I found no joy in scoring a crappy deal on something I would probably never wear. I passed Hollister, Abercrombie, Old Navy, none seemed promising. Don't give me wrong, I've given each of these stores a try, but I almost choked to death on the perfume wafting out of Hollister, and fainted at the prices of a tank top at Abercrombie. Old Navy was a different story…..the mannequins weren't doing anything for me. So, instead, I trudged along and entered this cute little boutique, and smiled when I saw it was secluded from the rest of the mall.

"Perfect," I said to myself as I entered its doors. I could tell this was a family run business, for there was only one saleslady at the old counter in the middle of the store, and the rest of the associates were over sixty years old. I gave the plump woman at the desk at smile, and headed over to the sales section.

Having no money really didn't bother me. I found ways to live without, and now having a wad of cash in my back pocket made life more surreal than it actually was. I'd probably end up returning two thirds of it later tonight.

I picked up two basic camis in neutral colors, and then headed over to the top section. I frowned when I saw the sweaters and jackets I was passing. In Canada, that was all that I wore. There, I picked up a couple of shirts of different styles, completely clueless on what was "in." Fashion really never fascinated me. As long it kept me warm I would wear it, no matter how bulky it may be. But now, in a school of 2,000 people, God knows what others will have on their bodies. I probably would end up fading in the background regardless of how I dressed my athletic body.

I sighed and headed over to the jackets and sweaters, where I bumped into a young man, probably about my age.

"I'm sorry," I exclaimed in shock. I turned around to see my victim. He looked like everyone else- height-wise at least- except in how he presented himself. His pants weren't down to his feet, and his shirt wasn't practically falling off him. His hair was clean and done in a rather handsome way. His face was what puzzled me the most- it was too beautiful to describe. Too beautiful to not recognize.

He eyed me, and I gasped.


	2. The Meeting

"Edward?!" I said in astonishment and puzzlement. I leaned in at his name tag to get a better look. Why was he working here of all places? This was not the Edward I had known for years before. What had happened to him? My mood immediately changed from joy to worry.

"Ella?" Edward said incredulously. "What are you doing here?" I flinched a little at his tone.

"I'm just shopping for some clothes. My mom totally ransacked my closet after she saw what I had. But the question is….. what are you doing here? I thought you went back to Forks." This perfect being did not belong anywhere in this world- let alone in this clothing store. I'm surprised he didn't give any of the old women heart attacks- at least yet.

"We'll worry about me later-where are you staying? It doesn't seem like I'm the only one with an interesting story to tell." I smiled sheepishly and started my long and intricate plight.

I told him first about Tamara and David- and knew he wouldn't be caught drooling like some dumb ass if I described Tamara's legs. Edward had integrity- and a hell lot of it. From the very start I knew he was extraordinary- I knew he was something else, no matter how much materialistic things he had to hide it.

"I decided to get away for a little bit….to New York. I've enrolled in some music school ," I lied as he led me to one of the colorful couches sitting comfortably next to the changing rooms. I wanted to go to Julliard my whole life- and I actually was accepted, but I didn't want to leave my father alone. And after he got married, and I was free, I was too angry to go the school he had once gone for a couple of years.

I gladly sat down. I watched the planes and lines of his face go from anger to false joy.

"Music…Hmmmm." He raised his eyebrows sarcastically when I mentioned the music school.

"Julliard. I always knew you would get in." Edward said as he smiled one of those crocked smiles that Bella Swan was lucky enough to see a few times a day. It dazzled the crap out of me. "How long have you been staying on campus?" he continued. I was so dazzled by his smile and the way he articulated the words that I didn't hear what he said. He had to cough twice in order to wake me up out of my reverie. I must have looked like an idiot.

"Oh no…I don't stay on campus. You know….can't really afford it." I was worried. I told Edward I was living with my mother….why would he ask if I was living on campus if he already knew? "But, Edward," I continued. "I already told you that I lived with my mother." I looked at him suspiciously.

"I must have forgotten," he said back curtly. "There's a lot of….things…..to shuffle with at this time. My brain is on overload." He smiled fakely, as if he really hoped that it would reassure me…..but it did make me lose my grasp on reality.

"Okay," I said unsure. "So, why are you here?"

"I needed to get away too," he said quickly, as if it was almost rehearsed. " You know how Carlisle can be." Something in the way he said this lead me to the point where I knew he was lying. "We got in a fight," he said, shrugging. That was not normal- Edward and Carlisle had never gotten in a fight for over three hundred years.

"Cut the shit, Edward!" I said sharply, straight at his face. "Something's wrong." He looked at me darkly, dangerously, as if he really was acting like a vampire.

"Nothing's wrong, Ella," he replied warmly and reassuringly. "I just needed to get out." I looked at him unsurely.

"What made you chose New York?" I said, without confidence. "It isn't exactly what you can call cloudy."

He smirked. "Ella," he said dazzlingly. "I needed a change of scenery. Plus, I found a spot miles away from the city where it's constantly cloudy. Calm down." I loosened my shoulders a little at his too perfect reply. It wasn't fair.

I looked at the assistants around the store to reassure myself that I wasn't the only one in this room. Edward had the unfortunate talent of making people think that they were the only ones in the world.

"Edward," I said, leaning in. "You're lost. I can see it in your eyes." I had to literally look away at the intensity of the glare forced upon me. "It's just like the time when I met you….In Canada, you remember? When I was six? I don't know how you ran into me, we were two different people back then….two completely different individuals. And you…you were so….shattered. Torn from your hold on the world. And, it's worse this time." I could feel the ecstatic radiating off the closeness of our skin. I promised myself before I came to my mom's that I wouldn't fall in love- because I knew there wouldn't be anyone to catch me. But with Edward…it was so easy to be led astray. He was strong, he was kind, he was perfect. What human girl _could_ chase him away? What human girl _would_ chase him away? Who could warm his cold, stone heart? No one….except _her_. I didn't think that the fact that Bella Swan had this perfect being make me angry…or even jealous…but I found myself raging with sudden heat when I thought of her.

Bella Swan was the little girl you grew up with across the street. The one who always had a book in her hand and was eating through it under a tree in the afternoon. The one who everyone definitely noticed, but ignored. And in that sense, she was kind of like me. I didn't know if that was why Edward was attracted to me-or if it was the willingness on my part to help, but all I knew was that why would someone like him come to me? Empty and broken? I wasn't anything in this world….but I guess I was something in his. And that was why something in my friggin' head was telling me to help him.

"Edward, tell me what's wrong. You can't go on like this-it's worrying me." I leaned in closer, unaware at the proximity of our faces. He didn't loosen, but became more taut. I stared him, at his too perfect face, and black eyes. He hadn't eaten. He was moody. "I know what's happening," I said suddenly. He perked up.

"You don't know anything," he said angrily.

" I know a hell lot more than most people do," I yelled back. "I'm just trying to help. You can trust me." I stood up and picked up my purse off the floor. "You always can." I stared at him, seriously, giving him my most convincing gaze. But he remained silent-so I continued. "Fuck, Edward,…..answer me!" I was getting more mad as each silent second ticked by, but I found that I was getting more emotional as each memory passed through my head. This was how the last conversation of _**her**_ death went. He knew that my sister had passed before I did- and he was trying to hide something from me, the exact same way, with each ruthlessly perfect cover up. But this time, his acting skills weren't enough to appease me.

As pictures of my sister and I passed before my eyes, I was unconscious of the tears flowing down my face. Pictures of a life when everything was better- perfect even. Testaments of all that I have lost. This meltdowns would come to me often, varying in degrees. All of my worst have happened with Edward- I figured because his love reminded me of hers. When I was younger there were days when I couldn't look at his face, days when I had to lock myself in my room and hold myself together to just survive the torment befalling me whenever something triggered the lethal memories of our life together. I had lost someone, and so had he. Edward could sense it even before I did, but for some odd reason, he always let it run its course. I asked him about that one time when I was six, and we were laying together in a meadow……………..

"Eddie," my six year old self asked sweetly. "Why when I think of her do I hurt inside? Why does it feel like a hot fire inside my chest when I see her in a picture?" Edward smiled sweetly, the sunlight glowing off his skin.

"Ella," he answered as he stared deeply into my bright eyes. "That's what being human is all about. It's natural, and it's supposed to happen. It wouldn't be right with a world with no pain and no suffering, right?" He plucked a blade of grass from the ground and twirled it between his fingers. "You know why you feel that fire inside your chest? It's to replace the beating heart that used to be there. Your heart still beats, but not with the rhythm of your sister's. The pain replaces what you have lost. I would be thankful for it- it's proof that your sister did actually exist. " He saw the tears streaming down my face- this was some deep shit for a six year old- and brought me closer into his arms. Little did I know that this conversation would be one that Edward pressed Bella with years later. "It's okay, Ella," he crooned, as I buried my face in his chest. He smoothed the hair on my head. "I've lost someone too." Being six, I thought this amazing being that I found in my garden one morning was perfect. I literally thought he was an angel.

I smiled through my tears when I remembered the first time I met him- or found him. It was a fine, spring day, but overcast ahead. I was leaning against a large sycamore with my eyes glued on my paper, and my pencil writing furiously across the paper. I was composing another composition of mine- I planned to play it to my father that evening. At that age I was old enough to realize that he would appreciate it more than by mother would. I heard a rustling sound to my right, in my father's flower bushes, and took my eyes off my paper. It was just in time to see an "angel" appear from the bush's side. I didn't scream- years later I figured that it was because of the awe of this creature, but my eyes did pop open. I was fascinated with him….his eyes, his lips, his _body_- shit I was going too far.

I popped open my eyes and brought my hand to my face to wipe the tears off my cheek. I didn't stare at Edward, his face would terrify me-not because it was alarmed, but because it was perfectly composed and poised. Edward knew that big meltdowns like these wouldn't last for a couple of minutes, cause he knew they would last days, if not weeks. But he didn't bother to tell me how long I would be in pain each time. He would instead throw out his phrase: 'It's apart of being human,' which would always make more frustrated. But, I really didn't mind.

I gathered my stuff up and started to make my way out of the store- I had already embarrassed myself enough. And now, with tears streaming down my face at full force, if I walked through the mall, I would sure look like a wreck. I put the clothes that I had found back into their proper places, and quickly apologized for my sudden meltdown and thanked the assistants for dealing with me. I stormed through the doors, hoping that I would lose Edward with a head start. But of course, Ella, so weak and slow, could not beat out this gorgeous being, with more strength than I ever would have. I didn't jump when he put a hand on my shoulder. I just pushed myself out of it and continued walking furiously.

"Ella, stop!" Edward said loudly, only a few feet behind me. "You don't want to embarrass yourself, do you?" I didn't listen and walked even more determined than before. The tears were still flowing-I couldn't hide that. I wanted to tell Edward that the reason I was walking away was because I couldn't look at his face-it reminded me of her. And he knew it too.

I had my eyes on my target- the door. But halfway to it, I stumbled on a baby's carriage that was unfortunately in my way, and made the mother angrily glance at me. The baby started crying as I quickly made my way to the other side of the mall, walking backwards as I tried to appease the angry mother. I turned around again, and completely ignored the coven of laughing teenagers congregating to my side. I kept my eyes on the floor, my skin blazing in embarrassment. I could see the tears falling to the tile, I could see my flighty shadow just trying to walk. I could feel the heat in my face, and the pain in my heart. At that moment, all I wanted to do was escape- escape from myself and everyone around me.

At that moment I tripped over my own feet, and landed head first into the hard, tile ground. One woman to my right came running over, but I ignored her. I couldn't handle this anymore. I couldn't even make my way through the mall without hurting or damaging something within a one mile radius of my body. I was a failure. I never would succeed in life- never. I couldn't stand my ground; I couldn't handle the dark events that made up my life- I ended up running from them, and throwing myself into even deeper crap. I was nothing.

I finally succeeded to pick myself up again- but not without several failed attempts to place my feet firmly on the ground. When I finally did, luck was with me. I ran through the mall falling again only once and upsetting only a few people who unfortunately were in my way. I didn't look behind for Edward- God knows where he was. He was the vampire, why didn't he use his freaking powers to see me or something? I ran through the mall doors, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the dark, cloudy sky. Rain was coming.

I slowly made my way to my car, and actually almost smiled when I realized it was still there. Little did I know that my purse was still in the clothing store. That was why Edward was going after me. _Shit! _I thought in my head, as I pounded my fist into the cars heavy metal frame. _Why? _I put my face up to the sky as if I actually believed there was someone up there who was listening. "You happy?" I screamed "You did it! Okay! You won!" All I got for an answer was a roar of thunder and pouring rain. I smiled as if everything was actually okay and started to kick the car. I hated this piece of expensive shit. It wasn't me- it wasn't my life. I started to kick it harder because I saw that I was doing no damage. The car's European frame wouldn't give in to my useless struggles to break it, and I slumped against my car and onto the ground. I took my knees into my arms and put my face on my knee caps. What I sight I was.

The rain started to pour harder, but I didn't care. My clothes were already soaked- with my tears. I put myself in my safe place- my haven. The place where I would go when I would miss her. I started to rock myself, softly banging my head onto the car each time. And more hard as my rhythm increased. I started hurting myself for Edward, for my family, for my mom, for Tamara, for everything…..and for those few seconds, I actually felt no pain. I closed my eyes and dreamed. Dreamed of happy things- dreamed of things at least better than what I had now. I drifted off to my happy place where there was nothing but me and the stars……………


	3. Memories

I woke up hours later on a soft purple bed surrounded by my dark, brown walls. My room. I brought my hands to my eyes and rubbed them- I was sure I was not seeing correctly. The last thing I remembered was the mall- and there was absolutely no way that I had driven home that night. I felt so hung over, and every last square inch of my body was hurting. I tried to force myself up, to face the following day, and to realize that I would have to explain everything to Lisa. And for that realization, I quickly laid myself back down. I turned to my right and saw the alarm clock, and immediately jumped up. It was two in the afternoon. I quickly scanned my head for the date….March 2.…Sunday. Thank God for the weekends. I figured that I should be getting dressed and got off the bed and made my way to the bathroom. It had been a _great_ first night at the new house.

I looked for the light switch in the bathroom, but there wasn't one. Lisa forgot to tell me she installed an automatic lighting system. I also looked for towels, but to my astonishment there was none. I headed back to my room and tripped on my feet when I realized what was in my bed. I knew who the person was before I screamed, but I still screamed anyway.

"Did you sleep well?" Shirtless Edward asked me with his hands behind his head. He looked like a tribute to a forgotten Greek god. The saliva started to run through my mouth.

Without getting up, I ran my hands through my messy hair. "Umm…yah." I answered with a croaked throat. I looked at his long, perfect body laying on my bright purple bed, and smiled even wider when I glanced what he was holding: My Power puff Girl pillow I had gotten for my birthday when I was two.

I glanced around the room to make sure that I was actually here and put my gaze on him. The window was bolted shut and there was no trace of evidence of what had happened last night. Nothing. How the freak did he get in here?

"And, how exactly did you get in here when the window's bolted shut?" I said as he smiled.

"It's called the door," he said as he looked at me unsurely. I raised my eyes and cleared my head and tousled my hair again. I must've looked horrendous.

"Oh, right. It's the same thing that I bumped my head against last night." I rolled my eyes at myself.

"No, I think you acquired that from the number of times you fell onto the tile at the mall." I didn't respond to that one. The fact that Edward was still in my room shocked me. After all, why did he like me? Why did he feel so protective of me?

"So," Edward said, changing the subject, obviously noticing my uneasiness. "I think it's time for breakfast." He smiled and got off the bed, and just like some stupid idiot, I watched him in pure ecstasy. He was SO good looking…and so kind…and so gentle…but so strong…and his body was so long….I was getting carried away. I could see Edward smiling at me. He could actually read my thoughts…and how humiliating.

His cold hand in mine saved me from the next onslaught of embarrassment that I would bring forth onto myself. We walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, and for one second, I actually wasn't worried of seeing my mom down there. Was she even back yet?

"Yes," Edward said, responding to my thought. She got home a little earlier before we did, and she was asleep by the time I snuck you through the house.

I smiled. "Nice." I gazed around. "So, where is she now?" Edward picked up his gaze from the floor.

"She left eleven hours ago. It's 2 in the afternoon now."

"Oh right, I forgot."

I settled down in a chair at the kitchen table after I had made a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I was into my third spoonful when I was glanced down at myself to see what I was wearing. A big white t-shirt. That was it. I started to freak out. Did Edward change me? Did he see the embarrassing birth mark right under my belly button, or the uneven proportions of my legs? Did we do something? Like _do _something? I felt my face start to get red.

"As I remember, Edward, I wasn't wearing your white t-shirt to the mall over my bright polka-dot underwear." I smiled fakely at him.

"You had a rough night last night. You wouldn't have remembered."

"Wouldn't have remembered what?" I asked with evident worry. What did I _do_ last night?

"It's nothing like that," Edward said smiling. His gaze was fixed upon me, and I couldn't breathe. I didn't respond…I wanted to continue hearing his angelic voice.

"I gave you my shirt, and you changed into it. Alone. That's why you see I'm shirtless." He smiled, and I continued looking at him like an idiot. His abs were amazing.

I regained my sanity when the phone rang, but let it go the answer machine.

"So, what made you chase after me last night?" I asked Edward with curiosity. He looked around me uneasily.

"I wasn't going to let you run off. Plus, you left your purse." He smiled, and I grimaced back. He was so beautiful.

"And I knew what was happening, and I knew that once you got in your car, you would have no one to go home to." He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. "I promised you that when you were six I loved you. And protecting you comes under that category. We even picky-sweared."

I closed my eyes. " I remember that day. It was in the afternoon-I think it was raining, and you kept telling me that we should go inside, but we never did. We liked it too much, out there, I mean. I was staring at the rain droplets, realizing that they were about the size of the tears I shed over my sister every night. ………………………………...That was when Edward commented on my thought.

"You don't like it when mommy or daddy don't comfort you, do you. You don't like it when they're busy." He was laying on his side, propping his head on his right hand. He was staring at me like- as if I was his daughter, and I was finding comfort in him as if he was actually my father.

"Yah. And I don't like it when Daddy brings home these ladies-these weird ladies, that always kiss him like mommy does. Every time I asked them who they are they just giggle and look at Daddy."

"You have to be nice to your parents now. Always respect them-but don't always follow them. Even grown-ups do stupid things." He smiled at me.

"But why don't they hang out with me anymore? Mommy doesn't even help me with my homework like she used to-and Daddy's always at work or with these ladies. Susan [our maid] always has to take care of me….do Mommy and Daddy not like me anymore? Do they not love me?" My six year old self looked down as a tear escaped. Edward wiped it off my face before it fell to the grass.

"Of course they love you," Edward said surely. "More than you can ever imagined. It's just that they are very busy."

"No one loves me!" I said, enraged with the fact that another one of my tantrums was arising. I sat up and started to beat the ground next to me. "No one does! Every since Susan died it's been nothing- no one sees that I'm there- and at school, no one wants to sit next to me! It's not fair, why doesn't any body love me!" I screamed, I stood up, I fell, and this time, Edward let me.

Edward finally stood up and brought me to the ground and sat me in his arms. He put his hand under my chin and put his lips to my forehead. He kissed me there: Once, twice, another time. I remembered, years later, when I was 8, and it was the first day of school. The teacher was interviewing us, and my question was, "What was the best thing that every happened to you." And I answered. "Being kissed by an angel." Of course everyone believed it. It wasn't until years later that the story wore off and everyone thought I was lying.

Before letting go of my six year old self, he muttered, "_I_ love you." I had heard those few words so many times before, but known of them were as true as this. I looked up at him, tears blocking my vision, and attempted to smile.

"Now that's better," he said softly, happier. "That's my girl." He tickled me, but I refused.

" Picky-swear first," I urged him. He brought his long picky to mine, and I wrapped mine around his. Once it was over, he smiled and took my hand.

"Ella," he said seriously, contrasting the mood he was just in. "Seriously. Whenever you are afraid, scared, alone, heart broken, or hopeless, I will be there." I smiled.

"That means you're my husband!" I said out loud with excitement. I didn't really understand the act of marriage.

He smiled and shook his head in disbelief. "Well, at least your first, true love." I looked at him confused, and he just smiled back. "You'll understand later," he assured me. And I sure did.

"Edward," I said, my 16 year old self again. I was looking at the kitchen table, and I had just pushed my bowl of cereal away. "Why'd you lie?" Edward looked at me, with sorrow in his eyes. He was hoping I wouldn't ask that question.

" I couldn't protect you from everything. I wanted you to be human- to experience all of the human sorrows and joys. If I protected you from everything, I would be robbing you from experiences."

"Years of sleepless nights and tear stained pillows aren't what you can call experiences," I muttered through my teeth. He just looked at me.

"I know." He said simply. I wanted to throw my bowl of cereal at him.

"Why did you stop coming over?" I asked, without looking up. Edward repositioned himself in his seat.

"You were growing up. Growing out of me. It was only a matter of time before I knew that you would push me out of the door knowing that there were better people to be hanging out with. And I understood that. It was a consequence of allowing myself to hang around with you so long. But those were the best times of my life, regardless." I looked down and felt guilty.

"Why'd you let me hurt you?" I asked plainly.

"Because it was keeping the promise." He answered. I lifted my eye brows in surprise.

"You think by hurting you are keeping the promise? How? I hurt you Edward! You only hurt me once! But I hurt you so many times more- Eighth grade prom….." I stopped before I could go any further.

We stayed silent, and I calmed down. A few minutes later, I took the ground again, wanting to ask Edward the question that had been haunting my nights since that ill fated incident: September 11, 2000.

"Why'd you leave," I said, pronunciating the words in the right way to accurately give the message. Edward took a deep breath….I knew at that moment I was arousing memories he had tried so hard to bury.

"I was stopping you from living." He answered, finally. I shook my head and forced my eyes upon him.

" No, Edward, you were the reason for me to live.I know that sounds like some cheesy cliché but it's true." I responded. I shook my head. " I…I…couldn't-wouldn't have been able to live without you. "After my sister died," I shook my head in defeat. How could I explain how much he meant to me and what he had done in my life?

"I know," Edward said simply. This mind reading thing was helpful in some situations, but most of the time it annoyed me. I took a deep breath and looked to the ceiling, for some odd reason. I convinced myself that it was because Edward's gaze was so piercing. I could get lost in those eyes.

"Why'd you come back, then?" I asked. Out of the side of my eye I saw Edward smile. It was just a little smile-just a little one. I knew at that moment that the reason he came back wasn't for me. Edward settled back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. He started to look at the ceiling also. What a sight we were. I let him concentrate on that question for a few minutes.

" I…need your help this time, Ella," he said carefully and slowly. I took my eyes off the ceiling and put them on him. My mouth curved in surprise.

"Why'd you come to me?" I asked. Edward rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Stop doubting yourself, Ella. You don't see yourself clearly." I took in those words for a few seconds, and I shuddered because I knew that they were true.

"I can't give you what _she_ can," I said through clenched teeth. Bella was so lucky. Edward sighed.

"Ella, I left her," he said simply. I raised my eyes in surprise.

"Wasn't your type, was she?" I asked, smirking at my own joke.

"Not her blood, Ella," Edward said sharply and with little breath. He was trying to either control his temper or emotions right now, without getting me hurt. I liked to annoy him; it gave me the dominance for once.

"Ella, seriously. I left her. But I still _love_ her. It was for her own good. I was doing the same thing to her life as I had done to yours." I crinched at those words. They hurt: everything he had done with me he had done with her, and he had left her the same way.

"How'd you leave her," I asked unsurely.

"In the woods, but close to her house," he answered simply. That was when I got out of my chair.

"So Bella was just a re-run, was she!" I yelled, angry.

"No," Edward said simply, without a trace of anger. "I took her to the woods because it reminded me of you." I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room, through the kitchen door and outside into the woods. Knives spurned in my stomach when Edward didn't follow. I ran around like an idiot, and the rain started to fall as hard as my tears were. I fell to the ground and fell asleep: I imagined that this was what poor Bella Swan went through when Edward dumped her. There were no dreams, no fairytales, and no light….and I drifted peacefully into the darkness.

When I woke, out of all the thoughts running through my head, one thing stood out for sure: I was Edward's first true love……..

and he had even picky-promised on it.


End file.
